Mary Boleyn
My Thoughts On An Extraordinary Life.
Mary Boleyn was the older sister of Anne Boleyn, the famous second wife of Henry VIII. Anne Boleyn may be one of the most famous women in history but her sister Mary was also a very interesting and a very passionate woman and should not be over shadowed. In this piece I aim to outline what is known about Mary Boleyn’s life and then give some of my own thoughts about this extraordinary woman.
A portrait thought to be Mary Boleyn, hanging in Hever Castle.
Mary Boleyn was the oldest daughter of Thomas Boleyn and Elizabeth Howard. Over the generations the Boleyn’s had progressively being doing better for themselves. Mary’s ancestor Sir Geoffrey Boleyn was a Mayor in London; he wed a lady named Anne who was the daughter and heiress of Lord Hastings. It was though this marriage that Geoffrey acquired Blickling Hall and Hever Castle. Anne and Geoffrey’s son William ended up being knighted and made a baron by Richard III. He married Lady Margaret, daughter of Thomas Butler, the Earl of Ormond. Mary’s father Thomas was the oldest son born to Sir William Boleyn and his wife Margaret. Thomas Boleyn went on to create quite a good marriage for himself by marrying Elizabeth Howard, daughter of Thomas Howard, Duke of Norfolk. There is little recorded about Elizabeth Howard, she was a lady in waiting to Queen Catherine of Aragon and believed to be of some beauty. Thomas Boleyn on the other hand was fluent in many languages including French and well educated. He was also quick witted and very good at sports, especially jousting which Henry VIII also enjoyed. He used his intellect and talents to work his way up through the English Court and throughout his early years at court received a number of rewards including being made a squire of the body and Knight of the Bath.
There is some debate over when the Boleyn children were born but it is generally believed that Mary was the older sister born in approximately 1499/1500 at Blickling Hall, Norfolk. In 1597, Mary’s grandson Lord Hunsdon wrote a letter to a Lord Burleigh inquiring about the return of the Earldom of Ormond and referring to his grandmother as the older sister. Lord Hunsdon would not have been entitled to the Earldom if his grandmother Mary had not been the older sister, as the title was passed down through the line of the oldest child. If Anne was indeed older then the title would have gone to her decedents, namely her daughter Queen Elizabeth. Hunsdon must have been very sure that his grandmother was indeed the older sister to inquire about this title. Also when Anne Boleyn was created Marquess of Pembroke in 1532 the letters patent referred to Anne as one of the daughters of Sir Thomas Boleyn. If she were the older surely the letters would have stated such. With Mary as the older sister, Anne followed in possibly 1501 and her brother George several years after. There is also strong belief that there were two other Boleyn children born, Thomas and Henry but either both boys died in infancy or only Thomas lived until adolescence.
During her time at court, Mary has been described as being beautiful, of a giddy nature, high spirited and enjoying all the trappings of court life. She is not however thought of as being as intelligent as her sister Anne or brother George. Despite this Mary was most probably given a good education along with her brother and sister and learnt all the necessaries of being a good and proper lady of the time including reading, writing, sewing, singing, dancing and playing a musical instrument.
In 1514 Mary was sent to the French court to become a lady in waiting to Princess Mary Tudor, whom was to wed King Louis XII. However Mary’s time as a lady in waiting was to be short as after only a few months Louis XII died. After the death of King Louis XII, Princess Mary married Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk before returning home to England. There are two trains of thoughts regarding Mary’s whereabouts between this time and 1520. Some historians suggest that Mary also returned with the Dowager Queen to England and became a lady in waiting to Queen Catherine of Aragon. While others propose that Mary, as with her sister Anne, stayed in in France to serve the new King’s wife, Queen Claude.
Whether she stayed only a short time or several years in France it is known that during her time in the country Mary famously became the mistress to Francis I, the new King of France. Her sexual activities, some say, were so well known that even the French King referred to her as ‘The English Mare’ and she was said to be ‘a great wanton and notoriously infamous.’ If Mary did become the mistress to King Francis I then surely she must have had something, beauty, charm, allure about her to capture the attention of a King. Unfortunately it is not known how long her relationship with the French King lasted.
It is known that by 1520 Mary was back in England for on February 4th 1520, in the Chapel Royal at Greenwich, she married Sir William Carey, a handsome young man who became a gentleman of the privy chamber. The King was present at the marriage and gave the couple 6s and 8d as a wedding present. William Carey was the second son of Thomas Carey and Margaret Spencer; he was distantly related to the King as his mother was a cousin of Margaret Beaufort, Henry VIII’s grandmother. He was also a favourite of the King and he shared many sporting interests with Henry VIII including a love of jousting, riding and hunting.
Sir Henry Carey, Mary’s first husband.
Sir Carey is known to have introduced Lucus Horenbolte, a Dutch artist, to England. One of Horenbolte’s most famous miniatures is of a woman believed to be Anne Boleyn, painted in 1525. Yet there is some debate now as to whether the portrait is of Anne Boleyn or of her sister Mary Boleyn. Francesco Sanuto, a Venetian diplomat described Anne as
‘not one of the handsomest women in the world; she is of middling stature, swarthy complexion, long neck, wide mouth, a bosom not much raised and eyes which are black and beautiful’. (Ives 2005, p. 40).
In her book The Lady in the Tower, Alison Weir also describes Anne as being ‘slender and dark’, whereas the woman in the Horenbolte portrait appears to have a much rounder face and has a pale complexion with perhaps light brown eyebrows and possibly the same coloured hair. Anne Boleyn was also known to often wear a French style hood, whereas the sitter of this portrait is wearing a gable style hood.
A miniature by Lucas Horenbolte. Could this be Mary Boleyn rather than her sister Anne?
During her marriage to William, Mary became the mistress to Henry VIII; Mary Boleyn had now caught the attention of not only one King, but two! It is believed that Mary’s relationship with the King may have started around 1522 when her husband William Carey suddenly started to receive a number of grants. Could these grants have been the King’s way of keeping Mary’s husband happy? Her relationship with Henry VIII lasted approximately three years and is thought to have ended sometime before 1526. Most probably the relationship fizzled out on its own accord sometime during the end of 1525 when Mary was pregnant with her second child. It has hard to accurately date the relationship as Henry VIII conducted the affair with the upmost discretion and it is likely due to this that dates and encounters were not recorded. There are no accounts of Mary seeking personal gain during her time as the King’s mistress, however her husband received a number of grants and her father continued to rise at court over these years. Thomas Boleyn was made Knight of the Garter and Treasurer of the Household as well as being made Viscount Rochford in 1525.
There is little known about the relationship between Mary and Henry VIII but two accounts of Mary’s life during this time do exist. The first being that during the Shrovetide of 1522, when Mary was still the mistress to Henry VIII there was a lavish celebration entitled the Chateau Vert or the Castle of Green. In the castle eight beautiful ladies dressed in white silk were held captive. The ladies represented virtues and Mary Boleyn played the role of Kindness while her sister Anne ironically played Perseverance. The virtues were guarded by eight vices played by boys from the Chapel Royal. Several Lords, including the King, charged the castle and rescued the ladies. The second account of Mary’s life during her relationship with the King is again during the Shrovetide Joust in 1522, Henry VIII rode out wearing on his horse wearing the motto “elle mon coeur a navera” which means “she has wounded my heart”. Could he be referring to Mary with this statement, after all this was about the time when the King started his relationship with Mary.

Henry VIII approximately 1520.
During the time that Mary was the mistress to Henry VIII Mary gave birth to two children, a daughter named Catherine in 1524 and a son named Henry in 1526. Since Mary was sleeping with the King during the period in which her children were conceived, many people believe that there is a strong possibility that both Catherine and Henry or one or the other could be the illegitimate children of Henry VIII.
The reasons proposed that both children might be fathered by Henry VIII is that during the time when Catherine and Henry were conceived Mary was the mistress of Henry VIII and sleeping with the King. It has also been suggested that Henry would not have wished to have shared Mary with her husband, keeping her to himself during the entire period of their relationship. Also there were rumours that William Carey looked quite a lot like Henry VIII and that Henry VIII gave Mary’s husband Henry Carey a series of grants and appointments around the time each child was born in an attempt to keep him happy. It has also been proposed that because Queen Elizabeth was very close to both Catherine and Henry Carey, it must have been because they were in fact half-brother and half-sister rather than just cousins. Queen Elizabeth knighted Henry Carey and also made him Baron Hunsdon; she also visited him on his death bed giving him the Earldom of Wiltshire (once owned by his grandfather Thomas Boleyn). For her part Catherine Carey was one of Queen Elizabeth’s senior ladies and upon her death Elizabeth paid for a lavish funeral for her.
On the other hand the suggestions against the two children being fathered by Henry VIII are that it is quite possible during the time Mary was the King’s mistress she may have also been sleeping with her husband. Henry VIII never acknowledged Catherine or Henry as his children, where had had acknowledged Henry Fitzroy, a son he bore with his previous mistress Bessie Blount. Wilkinson also proposes that Henry VIII may have had low fertility and thus there would be a low probability he impregnated Mary. It has also been suggested that the grants given to Henry Carey could have simple been to keep him silent and happy about his wife sleeping with the King. Also the reason that Queen Elizabeth showed great favour and kindness to Catherine and Henry Carey was simply because they were related, specifically that they were the children of Mary Boleyn, Elizabeth’s mother’s sister.
Unfortunately since DNA testing was not available during the Tudor period, history will never know if Catherine and Henry were or were not the children of Henry VIII. Therefore it is left up to each reader to examine the evidence and to decide for themselves who they think the father of Mary’s children was.
Catherine Carey, Lady Knollys, 1524 – 1569
Henry Carey, Lord Hunsdon 1526 – 1596
Mary’s husband William died on 22ndh June 1528 of the sweating sickness. The sweating sickness had first struck in the 15th century and appeared on and off, one of the worst times being in 1528. The symptoms appear to be something like influenza or phenomena, with the patient having pains and aches all over the body, headaches, a great thirst and also breaking out in a horrible sweat. Many people that caught the sweat were dead within twenty four hours. With William’s death Mary was left a widow with two young children. She was left with a number of debts and the wardship of her son Henry was given to Mary’s sister Anne. No word is made of Catherine but it is presumed that she stayed to be raised by her mother. Mary was luckily granted an annuity of £100 by the King which had previously been granted to her husband.
There seems to be little written about Mary’s life during the period between 1528 and 1534; however we can place Mary in late 1532. It is known that Mary accompanied her sister Anne and King Henry VIII to France in late 1532 when they went to meet King Francis I, as there are records that she was one of the ladies participating in a masquerade to entertain the French King one night. We can also place Mary at court during New Year’s 1533 as records show she was given a gift by the King and in return she gave the King a blackwork collar she had made herself. Mary also pops up again during her sister Anne’s coronation. During the procession Mary rode in the third coach behind Anne with their mother Elizabeth and she wore a dress of seven yards of scarlet velvet. Records also show that during the coronation ceremony Mary attended her sister wearing a gown of scarlet velvet and an ermine cloak and bonnet. It is also believed that after her sister’s marriage to the King, Mary became a lady in waiting to Anne, now the Queen Consort of England.
After this there are scant details about Mary until she appears once more towards the end of 1534, this time to cause quite a scandal! In 1534 Mary did something quite unthinkable for a woman of her status, she married a soldier named William Stafford. William was a man far beneath Mary’s station in life with only a small income. It is believed that William was born in about 1500 (around the same year as Mary) and was an owner of some land in Essex. He was also a soldier and a gentleman usher to the King. The fallout of this marriage was utterly disastrous for Mary as she was banished from court, most probably for two reasons, first marrying without her family’s permission (her sister now being the Queen of England) and for marrying far below her status. Not only was Mary now married to a man below her status but she may have also been pregnant!
On the 19th December 1534 Eustace Chapuys, Ambassador for Charles V wrote to his master stating..
“The Lady’s sister [Mary] was also banished from Court three months ago, but it was necessary to do so, for besides that she had been found guilty of misconduct, it would not have been becoming to see her at Court enceinte [pregnant].” (Wilkinson 2010, p. 148).
When banished the money situation became very tight for Mary and her husband. Mary’s father Thomas Boleyn had not only disowned Mary but he had also stopped her allowance. Desperate Mary wrote to Thomas Cromwell asking for help…
“Master secretary,
After my poor recommendations, which is smally to be regarded of me, that I am a poor banished creature, this shall be to desire you to be good to my poor husband and to me. I am sure it is not unknown to you the high displeasure that both he and I have, both of the king’s highness and the queen’s grace, by reason of our marriage without their knowledge, wherein we both do yield ourselves faulty, and do acknowledge that we did not well to be so hasty nor so bold, without their knowledge. But one thing, good master secretary, consider, that he was young, and love overcame reason; and for my part I saw so much honesty in him, that I loved him as well as he did me, and was in bondage, and glad I was to be at liberty: so that, for my part, I saw that all the world did set so little by me, and he so much, that I thought I could take no better way but to make him and to forsake all other ways, and live a poor, honest life with him. And so I do put no doubts but we should, if we might once be so happy to recover the king’s gracious favour and the queen’s. For well I might have had a greater man of birth and a higher, but I assure you I could never have had one that should have loved me so well, nor a more honest man; and besides that, he is both come of an ancient stock, and again as meet (if it was his grace’s pleasure) to do the king service, as any young gentleman in his court.
Therefore, good master secretary, this shall be my suit to you, that, for the love that I well know you do bear to all my blood, though, for my part, I have not deserved it but smally, by reason of my vile conditions, as to put my husband to the king’s grace that he may do his duty as all other gentlemen do. And, good master secretary, sue us to the king’s highness, and beseech his highness, which ever was wont to take pity, to have pity on us: and that it will please his grace of his goodness to speak to the queen’s face for us; for, so far as I can perceive, her grace is so highly displeased with us both that, without the king be so good lord to us as to withdraw his rigour and sue for us, we are never like to recover her grace’s favour: which is too heavy to bear. And seeing there is no remedy, for God’s sake help us; for we have now been a quarter of a year married, I thank God, and too late now to call that again; wherefore it is the more alms to help. But if I were at my liberty and might choose, I ensure you, master secretary, for my little time, I have tried to much honestly to be in him, that I had rather beg my bread with him than to be the greatest queen in Christendom. And I believe verily he is in the same case with me; for I believe verily he would not forsake me to be a king.
Therefore, good master secretary, seeing we are so well together and does intend to live so honest a life, though it be but poor, show part of your goodness to us as well as you do to all the world besides; for I promise you, you have the name to help all them that hath need, and amongst all your suitors I dare be bold to say that you have no matter more to be pitied than ours; and therefore, for God’s sake, be good to us, for in you is all our trust.
And I beseech you, good master secretary, pray my lord my father and my lady to be so good to us, and to let me have their blessings and my husband their good will; and I will never desire more of them. Also, I pray you, desire my lord Norfolk and my lord my brother to be good to us, I dare not write to them, they are so cruel against us; but if, with any pain that I could take with my life, I might win their good wills, I promise you there is no child living would venture more than I. And so I pray you to report by me, and you shall find my writing true, in all points which I may please them in I shall be ready to obey them nearest my husband, whom I am most bound to; to whom I most heartily beseech you to be good unto, which, for my sake, is a poor banished man for an honest and godly cause. And seeing that I have read in old books that some, for as just causes, have by kings and queens been pardoned by the suit of good folks, I trust it shall be out chance, through your good help, to come to the same; as knoweth the (Lord) God, who send you health and heart’s ease. Scribbled by her ill hand, who is your poor, humble suitor, always to command,
Mary Stafford.’ (Wilkinson 2010)
In her letter Mary admits that she did wrong by her family by marrying William Stafford. She also speaks of losing the favour of not only the King but her sister and her father and this appears to be a great loss for Mary. She also pleads with Cromwell to intercede with the King on her and her husband’s behalf, asking him for pity and assistance. A very interesting point that Mary makes in her letter is that if she had the choice she would marry William all over again, perhaps it is from this and Mary’s situation, that it can be thought that in this marriage Mary married for love.
Some stories have it that Mary Boleyn was a rather slow, dim witted woman who followed her carnal lusts. This letter in itself proves that Mary was far from dim witted or slow. She pleads her case with such passion and intelligence that it is hard to believe she was a dumb witted fool. Her wording is passionate, eloquent and nearly five hundred years after it was written the determination, worry and passion still seeps through the pages. This is not the writing of a dim witted woman but clearly shows the intellect and passion of a very interesting woman.
Thomas Cromwell’s reply to this letter does not exist, at some level Mary and her husband William must have been able to survive financially as they both appear in court records after the fall of Mary’s sister.
On May 2nd 1536 Anne Boleyn was arrested and taken to the Tower of London, charged with treason, incest and adultery. Her brother George was also arrested and charged with having slept with his sister and for treason against the King. Both were found guilty of their crimes and George was beheaded upon Tower Hill on May 17th and Anne was beheaded on May 19th 1536 on Tower Green. There is no evidence that Mary visited her sister or brother during their imprisonment. This is not to say that Mary did not want to, or that perhaps she was not allowed to, in fact there are no surviving records to tell us of Mary’s thoughts or actions at all during this time. Meyer writes in his book The Tudors The Complete Story of England’s Most Notorious Dynasty, that Archbishop Thomas Cranmer had Anne’s marriage to the King annulled due to consanguinity, that is because Henry had a previous relationship with Anne’s sister Mary and thus Anne’s relationship with the King was incestuous. One can only wonder if Mary knew about this reason, and if she did what her thoughts were on the matter.
The following years appear to be relatively quiet for Mary and her husband William. Catherine Carey, Mary’s daughter became a lady in waiting to Anne of Cleves (Henry VIII’s fourth wife) and married Sir Francis Knollys. William Stafford became a squire of the body and Mary inherited some lands and property from her father after his death including Rochford Hall in Essex. Mary and William were also granted the manors of Southboram and Hendon in Hendon Park and well as some lands in Hever and Bransted, Kent. William Stafford also sold some land to the King. Life may have been a little more financially stable for the couple having several manors and some land and money.
Mary died on either the 19th July 1543 (according to Alison Weir) or 30th July 1543 (according to Josephine Wilkinson) aged approximately forty three. She outlived her more famous sister and brother by seven years. Her place of burial has not been recorded.
I adore Mary Boleyn, I think she is one of the most interesting, most inspiring women in all of history. Yes it is her sister Anne who is known for her wit and her talent, her ability to charm and woo people but to simply sweep Mary aside is a huge understatement to the real person who Mary was. I think it is very interesting to note that Carolly Erickson proposes that Mary may not have been as dim as many have suggested her to be. Instead she theorises that perhaps Mary chose her less bright role compared to her sister in an attempt not to provoke fate too far. For as Erickon goes on to say, out of the Boleyn children it was only Mary who lived to middle age and died a natural death. Maybe then Mary’s heart was not set upon riches and glory but rather, as her life shows, on love and happiness. She may be less known than her brother and sister, but through her choices she certainly managed to outlive them.
When looking at Mary’s letter to Thomas Cromwell I cannot help but feel moved. I think it is one of the most beautiful, touching, sincere and honest letters I have ever read in all my life.
This letter shows me just how much Mary loved her new husband. She clearly writes that she knows that she has dishonoured her father, sister and the King – she admits that she has done wrong, but she did it for love. She loves her husband and I get the impression that she loved him passionately. ‘But if I were at my liberty and might choose, I ensure you, master secretary, for my little time, I have tried to much honestly to be in him, that I had rather beg my bread with him than to be the greatest queen in Christendom. And I believe verily he is in the same case with me; for I believe verily he would not forsake me to be a king’ If she had the choice again, knowing that she had lost the favour of her King, her sister and her beloved father, she would marry all over again. If this is not a cry of love then surely I do not know what is. Love is one of the most powerful of all emotions and Mary’s words, I believe, show that she too felt strongly in love and following her heart.
I also think that this letter shows how deeply Mary was hurt by her banishment from court and how she simply desired her father, sister and brother’s love again and also their forgiveness. Mary would gladly take all the pain she would bear just to have her families forgiveness. I do not know if the Boleyn sisters were very close, there are no records of Mary’s thoughts on her sister and only a few negative words in regards to Anne’s feelings for Mary after Mary’s remarriage. I would like to think that growing up the sisters were close but I think that as they grew their desires and goals drew them apart. At whatever level their relationship there must have been some sort of connection as in the letter Mary is pleading for her family’s forgiveness. I found this very touching and extremely moving.
These thoughts bring up the question of what Mary’s childhood was really like. As the oldest child what did she think of her sister and brothers? Did Thomas Boleyn, another son born to Thomas and Elizabeth, survive? If so was he close with Mary? We know from records and gifts that Anne and George were close, but what was Mary’s relationship with her siblings? What did her mother think of her? What did her father think? Did he love her in his own way or push her aside for Anne who appeared to be smarter and had more talent? So many questions that are brought to mind and unfortunately I do not think we shall ever know the answers. Unless perhaps a magical day comes when a lost diary or long hidden documents and reports are finally uncovered, but until then we shall never know.
The Mary Boleyn I see was strong and bold and she is more like her sister Anne than many people give her credit for. Mary Boleyn followed her heart, no matter what the consequences were – just as Anne did in her determination to marry Henry VIII and become Queen of England. Unlike the social rules of the time where Mary was just a woman, needing a marriage to be arranged for her, she followed her heart and married for love. William Stafford was far below her social status but she married him anyway. Why? Because she loved him, her letter shows that clearly. She was bold and strong enough to defy the King of England, to defy her sister the Queen of England, to defy her mother, to defy her father… she followed her heart and married for love. If that, in a time where love could be a dangerous thing, was not the strength of an independent and strong willed woman then I do not know what is.
Anne and Mary Boleyn may seem like chalk and cheese, one smart and witty, charming, and captivating, the other appearing a little slow, lusting after men with no real desire to climb the social ladder – but I think this is just a myth. Anne and Mary are very similar, both women were strong and determined and both women followed their heart and desires no matter the consequences.
Mary Boleyn was an extraordinary woman. From the little that has been recorded about her life we can learn that she was an intelligent woman who appeared to love life and she put her faith in love. In a time when women had to tread carefully regarding the decisions and actions they made, Mary defied the social laws of the time and ultimately followed her heart, and in my opinion that is one of the bravest and boldest things to do.
References
Erickson, C 1984, Mistress Anne, St. Martin’s Griffin, New York.
Fraser, A 2002, The Six Wives of Henry VIII, Phoenix Press, London.
Friedmann, P 2010, Anne Boleyn, Amberly Publishing, Gloucestershire.
Hart, K 2009, The Mistresses of Henry VIII, The History Press, Gloucestershire.
Ives, E 2009, The Life and Death of Anne Boleyn, Blackwell Publishing, Oxford.
Meyer G.J 2010, The Tudors The Complete Story of England’s Most Notorious Dynasty, Delacorte Press, New York.
Rigeway, 2011, ‘The Anne Boleyn Files’, viewed 18th June 2011, Available from Internet .
Starkey, D 2003, Six Wives The Queens of Henry VIII, Vintage Books, London.
Weir, A 1991, The Six Wives of Henry VIII, Grove Press, New York.
Weir, A 2009, The Lady in The Tower The Fall of Anne Boleyn, Jonathan Cape, London.
Wilkinson, J 2009, The Early Loves of Anne Boleyn, Amberly Publishing, Gloucestershire.
Wilkinson, J 2010, Mary Boleyn The True Story of Henry VIII’s Favourite Mistress, Amberly Publishing, Gloucestershire.